Helldeer Redeye: Santa Claus’ Sleigh Gets an Upgrade
One underreported consequence of Earth’s exploding population (7.5 billion and counting) is the stress this puts on Santa Claus in terms of making his rounds to deliver toys to all the good little girls and boys in a single night. Well, it finally occurred to the nice folks at Dodge/SRT that upgrading the quality of Mr. Claus’ powertrain from “tiny reindeer” to “mighty horses” while simultaneously increasing the quantity from 8 to 797 could really help speed up the toy distribution process. That’s right, this is no mere 707-horse Helldeer, it’s a Helldeer Redeye, as the revised, antlered badging attests.
One elfin trade secret not divulged in the press materials at the sleigh’s gala L.A. show launch is just exactly how that abundant power is translated into motion, seeing as the 275/40ZR20 P Zeros have all been replaced by sleigh runners. After careful examination, your humble technical director deduces that forward motion occurs via exhaust thrust out the rear-fascia-mounted tailpipes, while steering is accomplished by redirecting the abundant exhaust flow to either of the four side-thruster outlets positioned where the front wheels live on terrestrial Challengers. Retardation is then entirely left to the friction of the atmosphere and rooftop snow.
The biggest apparent downside we’d like to prepare Santa for is one familiar to most adopters of muscle cars—it’s way tighter on toy-space in the back than the reindeer-powered sleigh Claus has become accustomed to. So this Christmas we’ll be eager to learn whether the improved speed enabled by the 99-fold-plus increase in power can offset the need for more frequent returns to the North Pole distribution center to refill the open trunk. Check back on Boxing Day for a full report.